Why solitaire almost never fails to draw me back in.

First, you must know-- I like logic puzzles. I also like card games. When both of them are put together... oh my god. You might be saying, "Silly! Solitaire isn't a logic puzzle, it's based on luck of the draw!"

Well that's where you're wrong. On a computer, with ctrl-z at your command, it becomes a logic puzzle. I didn't discover this until a few months ago, because I didn't know the shortcut for "undo", and when I was growing up, you got to undo two moves and then you were stuck with whatever you had two moves previous. Done. No more undoing. But not so with modern technology: You can undo the whole damn game if you want to, simply by holding down two keys.

Now, it's like playing minesweeper or battleship or chess! Which red 7 do I move? What cards will it reveal? How far will that get me? Now, if I take the two AND the three from the draw pile, that means that the next time around, I won't get that black six I want. So, I'd better leave the three in. Well, if I take the red king from the board and put it in a spot, I'll get a black 2, but if I take the black king from the draw pile, I can put the red queen on it and THEN there will be another available spot for the red king. Dangit.. all out of moves. Gosh, I must have moved the wrong red 7.... better go all the way back and move the other one instead.

And so on. This creates a problem, because solitaire was already addictive to me, but now it's like crack mixed with chocolate mixed with coffee mixed with more crack. I do my darndest to make sure I get all the freaking cards on their appropriate piles and then the fireworks that happen when you win.

Sometimes, I realize this just isn't feasible. That the unfavorable result was probably traced back to some minor adjustment that I couldn't possibly put my finger on, or I just never had a chance in the first place-- sometimes you get all black cards or simply incompatible ones. This happens quite a bit: My win/loss ratio is 20/80, though it's slowly improving.

The kicker, though, is that I'm so used to losing several games in a row that when I win, I feel like I've truly accomplished something. I feel like my brain is bigger for solving that devilishly difficult puzzle that made me hit ctrl-z a bajillion times, but I finally mastered. (I know this isn't true.) So, basking in the glory of my victory, I play another game. I usually lose the next game, but that's okay, because I won the last one. The next game after that is characterized by a growing desperation, because I've already lost my winning streak, and I don't want my losing streak to be more than one. Then I lose another one, and it's not even my fault-- the stupid game didn't give me a chance! Stupid game, I'll play another one, and I'll show you! (No I won't. I lose again.)

And then, randomly... I win. Vicious cycle repeats. Hours pass without looking at the clock. Then I happen to glance at the time, and I scramble away from the computer as quickly as possible because I realize that solitaire is eating my soul.