Straight to voicemail

I was in the bathroom today, and I thought about how I don't really go to the bathroom that much, and I've always been able to hold it if nature calls at an inconvenient time. Then I thought.. wow. I'm screening nature's calls.

Not much of a party

Yesterday, my boyfriend's coworkers were talking about this LAN party. One of the guys misunderstood, and thought they said "lamb" party. Then I thought, well, you could have a LAM party, where everyone just runs away.

Vroom vroom.

So, I was driving today, and I had the momentary hallucination that the music on the radio was accelerating with my speed. Then I thought, wouldn't that be a great deterrent to speeding? Install a system that can tell if your car is playing music, and you're going above the speed limit, and it speeds up the music according to how fast you're going. If you're a former choir (or band) geek like I am, unnatural changes in tempo are extremely, extremely annoying. Of course, then you run the risk of people who actually like a song better sped up.. which would not deter speeding at all.

The first post is the hardest. (lie.)

If you're wondering why I've started another doomed-to-lie-fallow-in-the-future blog, blame it on Mantihose Mike. That's my friend who wears hose because they make his legs look fabulous (among other reasons.) He writes a stellar blog, and it's all about his struggles with life after getting CIDP, which is a nasty disease you should hope you never contract.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to record my strange thoughts. That might be difficult, because most of them happen when I'm sleepy and lying in bed. But if I succeed, I will have a record for the future, to show myself that yes, I have always been weird, and have always wondered things like:

-If a black guy emphasized how much he hated black people, would the KKK let him in? How, exactly, would that interview go?

-What if no one knew how to change soap dispensers, and they just put up a new one when they ran out of soap? What would happen when they ran out of wall space? What if they lost track of which one had the soap in it? That would be a loooong bathroom trip.

-If pigs could fly, wouldn't it be awesome if they could break the sound barrier?

-Why did they have to call it "dyslexia?" Imagine a dyslexic trying to read that word. That's just mean.

-What if people really DID fall into the toilet?

So, the point of this blog is comedy, and to find out if other people make the weird connections I do. Let the experiment begin.